Reading: My Yellow Balloon & Discussion

My Yellow Balloon written by Tiffany Papageorge

Illustrated by Erwin Madrid

Published by Minoan Moon Publishing

This children’s book was beautifully written for children who are grieving. Kristina & Steffanie read the book and discuss how even adults can relate to the overwhelming sadness and daily struggles that Joey encounters after he loses his yellow balloon. #watchreadlisten to learn how Joey’s grief changes over time as he walks through his grief journey to a place where he finds both hope and joy.

Here are some of the quotes that we found relatable:

“Then one day in one second everything changed.”

    All tragedies are so unexpected. It only takes one second and your entire world is upside down.

"Let’s go get you a new toy. That will make you feel better.”

    Do you have other children who are still alive? Has anyone ever said, “You have other kids. You should be thankful for them.” Ugh. Who says that? I often feel like saying, "Which one of your kids would you be willing to give up?" in reply. No parent would want to think about that, but that's what they are basically telling a bereaved parent. No child is replaceable. We love each and every child with our whole being and each one differently.

“I’ll do anything to get it back.”

    This is something that is often referred to as "bargaining" in terms of grief. Joey felt like he would have done anything to get his beloved balloon back. I pleaded with God to bring my child's life back to me. There wasn't anything I wouldn't have given to get him back. The thing with child loss grief is that those stages aren't linear. They come and go - and often at that. You may feel like you have accepted that your child is gone one day and then the next, be so lost in your disbelief that the bargaining starts over again. That's normal. You are normal. Allow yourself to grieve how you need to. There is no right or wrong way to grieve the loss of a child.

“Joey felt angry. He felt confused. He felt so very sad.”

    Back to the stages of grief. You can feel any and all these emotions at any given time. Every day is a rollercoaster and we experience things we call "triggers" that can hit you like a ton of bricks and snap you back into that deep, dark depression where you are overcome with your loss.

"He cried so hard he fell into a dream so real."

    Have you had a dream about your child that was so real? I have. Sometimes it's a dream about my current life except my son is the age that he should be. It's a small glimpse into a life that should have been. The worst part is waking up and realizing that your child is gone all over again. As time goes, it's just nice to be able to see your child's face again, isn't it? We are left with only pictures and memories after they are gone. Seeing them in a dream is almost like getting a fresh look at their face or even what you think they would have looked like years after they died. It's amazing what the mind can do.

  "The rest of the summer Joey missed his yellow balloon all of the time. Then one day he was sad most instead of all the time. As time passed he was sad a lot of the time instead of most of the time. Then the day came that Joey felt sad only some of the time."

    This is so true. In the beginning, the only thing you can think about is your child and the fact that they are gone. I often say, "You feel like your world has stopped." Everything freezes. It took months for me to be able to smile again but I was still sad/angry/depressed most of the time, then a lot of the time, and then only some of the time. Give yourself grace. Your peace will come and you will smile again, but it does take time.

"Something caught his eye in the water. It was bright and yellow."

    One of the things we talk about a lot is "seeing" our children in everything around us. Yellow reminds me of Mason and red reminds Steffanie of Joshua. I noticed so many sunflowers growing all over town the summer after my son died. One even popped up randomly next to his memorial tree in our backyard that had never been there before. It made me so happy to see! Whether those things that make you think of your child are truly from them or just our heart's way of remembering them, allow yourself to feel the joy, smile and cherish those moments. Some things that remind other people of their children are rainbows and butterflies.

"I still miss you," Joey said. But, whenever I see the sun, big and bright, I'll feel you with me. Wherever I am, wherever I go, you are a part of me and I am a part of you. We're a part of each other forever and ever."

    In our podcast, Ways to Honor Your Child, we talk about just that. I once read something that said something to the effect of, "A parent's job is to protect their child. A bereaved parent's job is to protect their child's memory." I love finding ways to keep a little bit of Mason with me at all times. We have a memorial for him, we wear yellow all the time for him, we celebrate his birthday and honor his memory on his death anniversary and we always have something to represent him in family pictures. He is always a part of us. Forever and ever.

Take a look at our video above to hear the whole story and to hear our discussion.

-Sunflowers & Red Feathers

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